The Dark Side of the Story: Saruman, the sissy

This is the continuation of the dark lord version of what actually happened in the quest for the ring. Read the first part here.

What the hell! I was suddenly interrupted by an awful buzzing sound in my palantir. Warne had just dismissed Strauss by a brilliant delivery. A la gatting ball. I guess this will be the ball of this century. I was watching the replay, when that idiotic face of Saruman showed up in the palantir."Yohoo.Are you there? Hey..dark lord..you there?". I wish they had facility to strangle people across palantirs. I did'nt pretend that i was'nt irritated. I increased the "fire" in my eye a bit and asked threatningly,"What?". "Nothing.Just seeing if you were still around.Your status showed you were watching Ashes or something.So, what are you burning?". That stupid ignorant sissy. All he does all day is play with crystal balls, sit lonely on the top of that tower and rant. I thought time to bring some sense to him. The Nazguls have just returned from the "quest" for the ring. They arrived without their horses. I asked them ,you know, matter-of-factly and they started ranting. Some hi-funda story.
"Oh! we were all closing on that frodo chap. He was on a horse with some babe and then she crossed the river. We followed her in to the river.She thought we were stalking her or something.She mouthed some foul words.We were going to explain and suddenly the river overflew". All the horses were swept away in the river. I wonder how ONLY the horses were swept away and none of these idiots. Surely, they would have traded them for a couple of beers.Lousy pigs.

I was brought back into reality by the BUZZ from the "wise" one. "Hey, darkie. You want to come over to my place or what.I can show you my new GI-JOE army.Pretty cool stuff". May be later. I could'nt wait to try the warne delivery. I told saruman lets play today evening. I dropped in a mail in the group and called the nazguls.