Pain Pointy Campaign

Q: Why did the drunk push his wife from the hill top?

A: Tequilla ( To kill her)

More such outtaxx arbit jokes will be collected and posted here. This is a graveyard for all bad jokes.

Another one which he sent to the P-iJ group.

Q: Why did the hardworking Lion arrive at his boss's funeral on time?

A: To meet the dead-lion. (Get it? no? sounds like a deadline!!)

The funda of P-iJ group goes like "What comes before PJ. If you don't get it leave thr group ASAP". :).

An autobiography - story of a story teller

A good story is just a whisker away from the bad one, he thinks.When he was a kid, he loved playing with words. He aspired to be an author. Painting pictures through web of words. Eloquent brevity was his motto. To show an ocean in a drop. He would sit for hours near a crook. The calm placid water would inspire him of raging battle of treachery, deception, betrayal. A burning log would remind him of gentle warm love stories. Simple people falling in love. And, their lives were'nt simple anymore. A treacherous, twisting pathway leading to a quicksand would remind him of a simple, uncomplicated story of a child growing up. Opposite values. Sometimes, he would just pick up a landscape picture with trees, a river, a mountain and a lonely bird. His words would morph the picture into a middle-class family caught in a timeless freeze.The mountain being the grandparents,the trees the parents etc... Sometimes, he would connect events that happen in a single time instant across large distances to illustrate the grand scheme of things. And, sometimes he would tell a story back and forth to illustrate things need not make sense in the direction of time.

One bright afternoon, he was kneeling beside the lake. He caught the bright reflection of the sun and an old smiling face looking back at him. He had never seen his own in a long time. He sat there over hours, recollecting his long lost thoughts and he began writing an old story, his own story.Once upon a time...

A couple of pics from a forward :)

Innsbruck stories - Pre-Journey Jitters

How does a little bird feel, when it launches into its maiden flight? I guess it feels the same way, you feel the first time you decide to take a stroll. A step into the unknown; fearful but exciting. I just wish to pen down a few thoughts on how i lost my religion.It is said that a brahmin loses his religion, once he crosses the sea. I lost mine in Feb 2003. Not that it was anywhere in my list of concerns. With a couple of hundered euros in my pocket, i set out. Like Bilbo says,

It's a dangerous business, totti, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet, there's no knowing where you might be swept off to

.

Nope.Very lil relevance to what i was thinking at that time. Neither had i read LOTR by that time. I also knew where my feet were gonna take me.Unless, of course, i board the wrong flight. Before you launch into your sniggering, smart-ass comments on how can you board the wrong flight and such slightly annoying but pertinent questions, i just say,"It was my first goddamm flight.I am entitled to a few mistakes". The variety of mistakes one can accomplish in such cases is another story.

A couple of months earlier, i think we got an acceptance email from a conference. This was my first paper in any conference, of any sorts. And, i thought end of story. Happy ending, paper accepted blah blah..blah blah..blah blablah. The good thing was that the conference was to be held in Innsbruck, Austria. A few disturbing hurdles, though. 560 dollars, just for the conference registration is no pennies and dimes.If it seems a huge amount now, i cannot imagine how preposterous it looked then. Even before the battle begun, the war was over. The sun had set. The leaves had fallen.The wind had blown. My eyes were closed.The class was over. One tends to overdo the effect, but you get the picture. And as always, things begin to look up when they can't get any more hopeless. A great deal of effort from the part of the IITM alumni provided with the much required impetus.And, i begin the march towards the great capital city of India. New Delhi.

List of Concerns

1. Catch the train to New Delhi not the one FROM ND
2. Don't get conned in New Delhi
3. Find the right air port in ND, the international one
4. Board the right flight.
5. Be prepared for the Cold; Have vicks handy.
.....
.....
1E100 Don't lose your religion

What i think about you!

With a big smile on my face, i was trotting down College Avenue. It has been an awesome day, could'nt ask for more. I waited at the intersection for the green signal from the traffic gods.My cell started buzzing.I flipped it open to see."Shit!it's that f'er.Goddamm it.I will not let him ruin my day today!.". I flipped the phone close.Let him leave a voice message, i think. It is one of those moments, the light turns green and my face goes red. On the other end of the lane, he comes walking shaking his head.

It feels great to be outside your comfort zone

Image from :Andamu- Sivani

Hang me, while you can

The cell was dark and damp. I lay there staring at the ceiling in disbelief. The repeated pleas for pardon went useless. I curled myself together to chuck out despairing feelings. My fingers were trembling and i drew a deep breath. Clutching my comforter closer, i adjusted the pillow. I still could'nt believe that i would be hanged later in the day. Finally, the time had arrived. I pleaded with her to listen to me once. Not to hang me.I can explain everything. They slipped the cord around my neck.White and thick. I dropped my chin a little to look at the twisted cords. In a sudden snap, the floor below fell away and all air was knocked out.I twisted and choked.My legs danced a bit and i jumped up. A wave of relief swept over me, as i realised i was still in my bed. It took me sometime to realise where i was. I asked myself a couple of questions.Who am i? totti. Where am i? America.Allright.

I lay there in my head buzzing with a lot of questions. Why was i hanged? Did my constricted breathing start the dream sequence? Was it the Mangal Panday tune i was humming before sleeping? How does it feel to be hanged/electrocuted? Without the wet mop on your head? (Like Green mile). Will i die for some cause? How does it feel to be the first one to do that for your cause/country? How?Will I? Why?

Goddamm! Dreams are weird! Have you ever felt like you were walking on some road and you were falling and you wake up and see that you really were slipping/falling. It is simply bizzare sometimes.

Sports is the new religion

Religion is opium for the masses. Makes sense. You might find your self in a hopeless situation. People resort to praying to draw inspiration, courage and hope. I guess this works. People have seen blatant miracles happening around them.You just have to look for them. Anyway, my point is sports are just another form of religion. We all have our "idols". People differ in their sports beliefs, just like in their religious beliefs. If you are in short of any inspiration, take a look at any of the Ashes match and load up your empty plates. Any sport has its defining moments. They have an universal appeal to them, just like fundamental concepts of any religion. I am sure you will not fight with one another if football is better or Cricket is.You might fight with other countrymen, on whose team is better.But,hey, this is not a solution for obtaining world peace. You will never force others to follow your religion too!

PS: As i move the mouse to the "Publish Post" button, i find the button missing.May be it is a sign, not to Publish this post :p

Our president can do magic

Magic by PSU president.Neat

The Dark Side of the Story: Saruman, the sissy

This is the continuation of the dark lord version of what actually happened in the quest for the ring. Read the first part here.

What the hell! I was suddenly interrupted by an awful buzzing sound in my palantir. Warne had just dismissed Strauss by a brilliant delivery. A la gatting ball. I guess this will be the ball of this century. I was watching the replay, when that idiotic face of Saruman showed up in the palantir."Yohoo.Are you there? Hey..dark lord..you there?". I wish they had facility to strangle people across palantirs. I did'nt pretend that i was'nt irritated. I increased the "fire" in my eye a bit and asked threatningly,"What?". "Nothing.Just seeing if you were still around.Your status showed you were watching Ashes or something.So, what are you burning?". That stupid ignorant sissy. All he does all day is play with crystal balls, sit lonely on the top of that tower and rant. I thought time to bring some sense to him. The Nazguls have just returned from the "quest" for the ring. They arrived without their horses. I asked them ,you know, matter-of-factly and they started ranting. Some hi-funda story.
"Oh! we were all closing on that frodo chap. He was on a horse with some babe and then she crossed the river. We followed her in to the river.She thought we were stalking her or something.She mouthed some foul words.We were going to explain and suddenly the river overflew". All the horses were swept away in the river. I wonder how ONLY the horses were swept away and none of these idiots. Surely, they would have traded them for a couple of beers.Lousy pigs.

I was brought back into reality by the BUZZ from the "wise" one. "Hey, darkie. You want to come over to my place or what.I can show you my new GI-JOE army.Pretty cool stuff". May be later. I could'nt wait to try the warne delivery. I told saruman lets play today evening. I dropped in a mail in the group and called the nazguls.

Think and Talk

Talking near elevators or in elevators should be banned :-). The other day, i was standing at the elevator and some lady came with her baby in a crib. I smiled and bent down to look at the baby.

"What's its name?" i felt a small twinge.
"Her name is so-so".
"Oh! I am sorry for referring to her as IT"
"Oh. I did'nt realize that.Its allright"

In a country, where referring to dogs as it is frowned upon, i think it is kind of shady to refer to someone's kid as it. I am glad that i have'nt been sued for breach of conduct in public or mental agony.

Douglas adam had a very funny sequence on how elevators in future were designed to have the ability to look into the future vaguely. This would allow the elevators to look ahead and see which floor would need the elevator. This would get rid of any small talk required at elevators. It is a hilarious scence. I think it is in his "Restaurant at the end of the universe".

Random emotions

Ever felt the need for your nails just after you have finished clipping them.Exasperation.

Irony of rain- to rain when you don't want to get wet. When you forget your umbrella for the first time in the last six weeks.

Love is like a double edged knife. Betrayal is a ten headed snake. Bull shit

Berate your lil sibling, put fundaes on life and to find yourself in trouble around the corner. Hypocrisy

Sit up all night talking to your friends, when you are supposed to meet the boss next morning. Enthu

Your boss cancels the meeting next day morning. I'm feeling lucky :)

Wake up the next day morning to realise it was a dream but you missed the meeting anyway. Mistimed optimism

Go tell your boss you fell asleep. Honesty ?

To think that your student was up all night working. Faith (misplaced?)

Tunes from childhood

Standing outside the ESM building, i was chatting with Balaji ji . His phone started ringing. It was some familiar tune but i could'nt really place it. I did'nt give it much thought. He said,"You know this tune?". It was the theme of Hercule poirot serial which used to come long time back. A faint glimmer of recognition passed through my mind. Balaji has loads of such long forgotten things. Street hawk theme music. And, slowly we drifted into one discussion after another about the long forgotten serials. Long forgotten for me. Balaji remembered them vividly. Street Hawk. I used to love it. Cool bike with loads of weapons. The car-bike chase sequence. The countdown before he touches the 300 mph limit. Neat. Then came Giant Robot. i did'nt know/remember it being a jap comic; i used to go for tuition at around that time. My bro and I used to go late just because we could'nt afford to miss it. Surprisingly, i remember the ending still. Giant Robot going and hitting the asteroid with the bad guy.

Then, we talked about the great indian mythologies. Mahabharata was the best. Ramayana was good. I used to love the battle scenes. Now, some of them look funny.When i went to India, last december, i had a chance to catch up on some ramayana. The way the send their arrows up in the air and wait there standing tapping their left foot, the surprised look when one of your arrows disappears and the back ground music (Balaji did a hilarious imitation of this). Then, there was this ridiculous serial called Shri Krishna. The krishna in B.R.Chopra's was so good, it made other krishna's look like idiots. You remember the other serial Sri Krishna? remember how pathetic that krishna looked. And, then there was chandrakanta, mid way they realised that the serial had nothing to do with chandrakantha or her story. And a bunch of others.

Time to go

I came to N-1 around nine months ago. Things have changed from time to time.The first thing i noticed about N-1 was its pathetic state of cleanliness. These guys obviously don't believe in clean and healthy environment. Anyways, a bunch of indians mostly from the southern region. The past few months have been calm enough, normal as one would expect. Occasional outbursts here and there. Overall, nothing dramatic. Most of the evenings, i spend with these guys. Telling them different stories. I have a surprising number of stories to tell. Lots of jokes too! Some sense of humor these guys have. Funny part is i have begun to tell jokes in their native tongue. Must have picked it over the course of the stay. What surprises me is their capability of listening to the same jokes over and over again. Take totti for example, i would have told him jokes about this six friends like a thousand times. He keeps laughing at all of them. Sometimes, i see him mouth words with me!!! Get a life! Then, there are Tams. GOD! Like a zillion times, i would have told them the same jokes! and yet they laugh like they have heard it for the first time in their lives. Overall, life at N-1 has been enriching to say the least. Part of learning new languages, new jokes, new cultures is kind of fun. And, now it is time to go.